I know reposting on the Internet is generally frowned upon, but I would like to thank the countless reposts I’ve seen across various social media for eventually leading me to this site.
I’ve had my ups and downs lately. The ups have been brief and incomplete while the downs are lengthy and addictive. It often feels like my moments of confidence are fantasy and the eras of apathy are the world as it truly is.
But reading the words of great people whose names I recognize and work has shaped my development as a person, I am seeing things in new ways. When these people look back on what propelled them to their dream, they give strength its fair due. But the common thread here is the emphasis on personal failings. The moments of weakness, or even the habitual self-doubt that cripples a person.
As a society, we are told to overcome these failings, but in execution the lessons are so half-hearted that we assume that if we forget them, they no longer exist. Instead, they are just given more shadows in which to hide so they can hinder us all the more effectively.
Instead, the great people look at their failings dead-on to realize how they are being harmed. It’s uncanny how quickly personal demons lose power when they are given direct attention. Even more uncanny how unstoppable the person is directly proportional to how little influence those personal demons have.
But all the same, those people face their failings and admit to some very hard flaws. It is a very, very painful process. So painful that most people will consider it common sense to avoid it and just keep on the beaten path. But it seems the payoff for that pain is the very inner peace that people search for their entire lives.
So now I realize that I had my cycles backwards. The periods of low self-worth are the fantasy because the only thing enforcing them is my imagination; a prison of my own creation. But when I can lift my head high and engage in what really motivates me, that is when I can see the true real world for all the beauty it contains.
I am far from taking that journey through all the pain, but it’s definitely a work in progress. And seeing as how my ups and downs have been shifting in the opposite direction lately, I know that it’s only a matter of time. I just have to keep my head up and not let it get weighed back down by all the reservations that have put it there before. It won’t be easy, and I most certainly won’t be in a full upward slope the entire time, but it is absolutely doable.
Whew. That feels good.